Welcome Back…
Well, well, well… Here we are again, a year later, back at it! The podcast has definitely outlasted these blog posts, mainly because I set some pretty wild expectations for myself. I thought I needed to be witty, funny, insightful, clever, and some other fifth thing. This high bar I set intimidated me, and I chickened out. I kept thinking, "What do I have to say? Why would people want to hear it, even if I do?" But here’s the thing: It doesn’t matter if what I have to say seems inconsequential or irrelevant. It’s not. Someone, somewhere, could benefit from my ramblings and musings. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I’ve done enough self-deprecation to warrant a little tooting. I have a lot of lessons and opinions to share. The way I see things and my belief in kindness and compassion are something I HAVE to share because they are special. So buckle in, baby!
Last time we chatted, I was deep in the chemotherapy game. The nausea, dizziness, weight fluctuations, and the god-awful exhaustion that kept me from doing much of anything were all too real. I'm pleased to say that a year later, I’m not feeling most of those symptoms nearly as intensely. I still experience weight fluctuations, but now it’s more like 10 to 15 pounds here and there, not 45 to 50. I still get dizzy, but that's because iron and my body are not on speaking terms, or rather, my body hates iron. Exhaustion is a symptom of cancer, no matter how you slice it. Nausea hasn't disappeared entirely, but all these burdens are lighter and less overwhelming than they were before.
Last year felt like I was climbing a steep mountain, hoping for a glimpse of the top, where I’d finally see the beautiful view or head down the other side to whatever lies beyond. But I couldn’t see the top. I couldn’t even imagine it when I closed my eyes. All I saw was the difficult step in front of me, with the incline growing steeper and steeper. Then one day, I looked around and noticed that the view was beautiful right where I was. I’m still climbing that mountain, no worries, but it’s starting to feel less steep. It's starting to get easier. Have I slowed down? Oh yeah, you bet your ass. But I am taking in the view. I’m beginning to see the top, maybe.
I’m not going to write a huge share and get overwhelmed. These posts will be weekly but definitely varied in length and detail. I’m too busy looking around to worry about it. But I appreciate everyone who is reading and everyone praying I reach the top.
